A Big Little Announcement! And 3 Things Not to Say to New Lesbian or Gay Parents

This is me, digitally shouting from the rooftops: I AM A MOMMY!

I’m so happy! Being a mom has been a dream of mine, and now my wife and I have a new baby girl. I’m so incredibly blessed!

Throughout this experience, I’ve encountered some milestones of motherhood I thought I would share with you, starting with what not to say to new lesbian mommies.

I’m often asked these questions, and although I truly believe most people have the most sincere of intentions… THEY. ARE. RUDE. I really have no choice but to answer them, but I’m sharing these question with you, my dear listeners, so that you will know better than to ask them of others, especially people you don’t know that well, or, heaven forbid, strangers on the street. It’s okay to be curious and caring - it is not okay to be nosy and rude. This is a fine line, and I’m about to help you walk it.

Do Not Ask:

Did you sleep with the donor? Are you kidding me? This is just rude!

Which one of you is the “real” mommy? We’re both real mommies. Yes, my wife carried the pregnancy, but that doesn’t make her the main mommy. You don’t ask a straight couple which is the “real” parent, right?

Oh, what about the father? He is not the father. He’s the donor. He gave us a gift! We’re never going to lie to our baby girl about her birth story, we’re always going to tell her the truth.


When in doubt, as yourself: Would you ask a straight person this question? If not, it’s probably rude. Don’t ask!

Another little milestone of motherhood that I’ve come across and wanted to share: Don’t forget to support both parents of a new baby, including the ones who didn’t carry the pregnancy. They all need love and congratulations and support, too, as they go through the challenges and the emotions that come along with the journey of new parenthood. Shout out to all the gay men, straight men, and lesbian women who are new parents, too!

Click here for the complete podcast and hear more about the new addition to my family, and other milestones of motherhood. Learn more about Dear God, Are We There Yet? HERE